From the very beginning, I never put much thought into our nursery. I think for the same reason that we didn’t name our daughters until a day or more after they were born, I thought we’d always decorate their room once we got a better sense for who they are and what they like. But I realized a month or so ago that Aurelia’s almost a year and a half, and her room is about as imaginative as the inside of a closet. It was pretty basic to start with, and then several months ago we transitioned her from a crib to a floor bed, at which point we had to further childproof her room (since she could get around easily and unattended at night), and it became downright bare.
I’d also been stuck in a circular argument with myself that went something like, “why spend time and money decorating a room when we never spend much time in it?….would we spend more time in it if it was more inviting?” I’m guessing that the answer is “yes.” Either way, it’s time to test out the theory.
So now I’m in the process of making the room more cozy, more whimsical and now that Aurelia’s older, a bit more instructional as well. Here are a few things I’ve ordered so far:
New bedding. Aurelia was sleeping on set of plain white sheets with a wheat-colored comforter. My goal was to replace them with bedding that was both more colorful and imaginative. When I was a toddler, I had a Minnie Mouse sheet set that showed Minnie in different outfits and settings. I loved making up stories about the different versions of Minnie, and I wanted something similar for Aurelia. This Willa Woodland Sheet Set from West Elm is exactly what I was looking for from a design perspective, plus it’s made with organic cotton. I love that we can use it to reinforce animal names with her now and that it will (hopefully) continue to hold her interest as she gets older.
World map. I’ve been on the hunt for wall art that we could hang at Aurelia’s height so that she’s not looking at blank walls all the time. I decided on a world map for several reasons; my husband is from Iran, and I think it’s important for our children to understand their heritage, including where their ancestors lived. We also plan to travel as much as possible with our children and to teach them about other cultures. I think seeing a map of the entire world, and not just our state or country, is an important first step. Admittedly, I also could use a refresher on world geography, so this map is also for my education 🙂 This particular map from PaperMundi on Etsy has beautiful watercolor illustrations including landmarks and animals. It’s the seller’s pastel map, but they have other versions and also can customize colors and landmarks for you. The colors match the Woodland Sheet Set perfectly, so I chose not to do any customizations. Since it will be at eye level, I was nervous about putting our map in a glass frame, so we had it laminated instead and stuck it to the wall with Velcro.
“Flying” hot air balloon. To continue with the theme of maps and travel, I purchased an amazing hot air balloon from TiTics Etsy shop. The balloon I ordered is light gray with rainbow bunting (shown on the right in the photo above), but the seller offers a variety of shapes, sizes and other customizations. It’s coming all the way from Poland so it hasn’t arrived yet, but I can’t wait to finally see it in person.
Festive bunting. Aurelia’s room has dark sage blackout curtains to help block out light during naps. They definitely serve their purpose, but I wanted to brighten them up a bit. I ordered this pastel rainbow bunting from TheCottonSocks on Etsy since it’s so similar to the bunting on the hot air balloon I ordered, and I think it adds a nice air of celebration.
Gold stars. Since the walls in the nursery are dark blue, I wanted to add a few stars around Aurelia’s bed. I’d originally chosen these from Etsy because I loved the design, but opted for these from Amazon instead because they claim to be repositionable and I wasn’t sure if my daughter would stay awake all night peeling them off the wall (she hasn’t). They were super easy to apply and look amazing on her dark walls.
Something profoundly changed within me last night. My husband usually gets our oldest daughter, Aurelia, bathed and to sleep while I make dinner. Last night, he was working, so I did more of the bedtime routine and shared such sweet, tender moments with both babies. One of my favorite things to do is draw one of them up very close on my chest and wrap a blanket over both of us. The feeling satisfies something very primal within me. I realized last night that it’s almost like a womb, with baby and me so close together, tucked away, warm and shielded behind an outward covering.
The more I think about it, the more the past year and the next few years to come feel like the womb, too. We spend nearly all of our time at home, nurturing our babies, protecting them, loving them and watching them grow. Two short years ago, my husband and I went into offices every day. We traveled extensively for work and for pleasure. We commuted and went to happy hours and hosted dinner parties. And now, in our little bubble with our babies, we incubate and relish the simplicity of our days. Our lifestyle was partially shaped by COVID — my husband now works from home indefinitely — and partially by babies born 14 months apart in June 2021 and August 2022. While I was pregnant, I was amazed at how much I was forced to slow down; I wasn’t able to walk very quickly, multi-task or ignore rest. I’ve managed to hold onto those lessons and truly appreciate our routine and the pace of life with two babies…leisurely strolls around the neighborhood, hour-long meals, a complete reframing of what it means to be productive.
In an instant during bedtime last night, I realized what had shifted for me. For the the first, maybe ever, I felt fully present in the moment. It didn’t happen during yoga or meditation. I was untangling and hanging twinkle lights in the bathroom and singing silly songs while Aurelia splashed around in the tub, and it struck me that THIS IS IT. I wasn’t thinking about what I needed to get done after she was asleep. I wasn’t worried about her little sister Camille waking up from her nap. I was fully immersed in the moment. In our beautiful, exhausting, monotonous, multi-sensory, technicolor life of diapers and bottles and first words and first steps and pinching ourselves every day that they’re ours. For months, my husband and I have randomly looked at each and said “We’re married?! We have two kids?!?” because it’s all felt so surreal.
But after that moment in the bathroom, I thought with so much conviction as I held Camille later in the evening, that nothing has ever felt more like real life, like my life. Years from now, I’ll lie in bed at night remembering these beautiful early days of getting to know two precious souls, and I’ll smile. I’ll imagine the cheeky, exuberant expression that crosses Aurelia’s face when she shows us for the first time that she’s learned something new. Or the way that Camille beams and wiggles in excitement every time she catches one of us gazing at her. They are the light of my life, and I’m so blessed.
Not everything is easy, of course. There are tantrums and sleepless nights and teething pains and shortened tempers. I’ve struggled with missing meaningful self care time to ground myself and recharge spiritually. As a couple, we try to remember that each challenge shows us something new about ourselves and ultimately helps us grow; sometimes it works and sometimes it’s only aspirational. But every day, we feel the love of our girls, we appreciate the abundance in our life and we’re deeply humbled that they chose us. And nothing brings me closer to spirit — to divine love — than that.
I’ve been in a bit of a spiritual slump lately and decided to read Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza for inspiration. I first heard about the book during an interview with the author on The goop Podcast, which I’m ashamed to say was several years ago. I found an old list of books to read this week, and seeing Becoming Supernatural on the list, took it as a sign to start it.
I finished the book last night, so I’m still processing some of the nuances, but I wanted to share a summary while the content is still fresh.
A science-based approach to mystical experiences
According to the book’s description, Dr. Joe Dispenza “draws on research conducted at his advanced workshops since 2012 to explore how common people are doing the uncommon to transform themselves and their lives.” Specifically, he takes a science-based approach to studying the effects of different types of meditation on individuals and, when conducted as a group, the collective. He also includes relevant research done by other scientists on topics like the mind body connection and the impact of heart coherence on society as a whole. Their findings blew me away. Although he gets deep into the science, Dr. Dispenza uses simple explanations and helpful examples to make the content approachable.
A method for “remembering your future”
Although Dr. Dispenza doesn’t use the word “manifesting” more than a few times in the book, his entire approach is focused on getting out of the routine of our daily lives, releasing limiting beliefs holding us back from reaching our goals and using several processes he outlines in the book to imagine our future selves in such a tangible, sensory way that our bodies, minds and spirits actually believe and operate as if that future self already exists. He encourages his students to step out of each meditation as a new person. (If you’re interested in manifestation, I wrote about other approaches to manifesting here.)
One of the most profound studies he cites was done on two groups of people who were learning to play the piano: one group practiced by actually playing the instrument while the second group only visualized it. The study looked at the brains of all of the participants and found no difference. In other words, by simply focusing our attention and intentions, we can make our brains believe that a future that we only imagined is reality. In doing so, we bring about profound change and attract a life that’s energetically aligned to our new selves. He gives dozens of examples of people who have manifested better health, relationships and jobs for themselves through his approach.
However, the reverse is also true. When we are stuck in the past, reliving past traumas and feeling an emotional response to those experiences, our bodies don’t know the difference between a memory and reality, so our physical bodies respond as if the event is happening again and again, putting us in a constant state of fight or flight. We become so used to these hormones, even though they’re uncomfortable, that we continue to seek out ways to perpetuate the cycle. and stay attached to negative feelings like anger, resentment and victimization.
Dr. Dispenza uses meditation as a means to liberate the energy that is tied up with our negative emotions, invent our future selves, access information from the quantum, initiate metaphysical experiences and fill ourselves with love and light.
Easy-to-replicate meditations
Dr. Dispenza describes each of the major concepts he teaches during his workshops in this book and then follows each with a detailed meditation that readers can try at home on their own. It includes meditations that focus on the body’s energy centers, the pineal gland, trapped energy within the body and heart coherence, among others. You can access recordings of the meditations on his website. (Fair warning, they’re pricey.) If you’re like me and prefer guided meditations, you could easily write your own script based on the outlines in the book, record your own meditation and save yourself $30 🙂
Other resources:
Dr. Dispenza has written other books including You Are the Placebo and Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.
He also has a blog, a summary of scientific research and other interesting content on his website.
If you really want to dive in, he continues to host workshops and launched a virtual course with Gaia.
I always heard that childbirth rarely goes as planned, which was certainly the case with our first baby, Aurelia, and it turns out our second child’s birth was equally unpredictable. I’d wanted to give birth to Aurelia at home but after 24 hours of labor I was dehydrated, exhausted and not progressing, so I decided to transfer to the hospital. Since my transfer wasn’t an emergency, we had the luxury of choosing the best (not the closest) hospital, and so we went to North Fulton Hospital on the recommendation of my midwife. The care Aurelia and I received there was outstanding, and to be honest, it restored my faith in empowered hospital birth experiences.
On the same day as Aurelia’s six month well visit with her pediatrician, I confirmed what I already knew: that I was pregnant with our second baby. I shared the good news with my midwife and let her know that I wanted to try a home birth again. I had several reasons for wanting a home birth, but I desperately wanted a water birth, and hospitals that allow them are hard to come by.
My pregnancy was blessedly uneventful; in fact, I felt significantly better than I had while I was pregnant with Aurelia. I felt so good during my first trimester that I convinced myself I must be having a boy (if you believe the old wives’ tale that morning sickness is worse with girls). In my case, morning sickness was worse when I was depleted, and the weekly acupuncture visits and a few supplements that I started after Aurelia was born made me feel healthier than I had in years.
I took our good health for granted because everything was going well…until my 37 week appointment. My midwife heard an irregular heartbeat and urged me pretty insistently to drive directly to the hospital for monitoring. Fortunately, after a couple of hours of monitoring, the hospital’s midwife told me that the baby’s heartbeat was steady and strong and that sometimes babies can get “worked up” so their heartrate fluctuates. Regardless, the experience left me shaken. I drove home, burst into tears and told my husband that I no longer wanted a home birth. It actually wasn’t the fear of something going wrong that changed my mind; I’d had a nagging feeling throughout my pregnancy that something didn’t feel right about a home birth. That day, driving home from the hospital, I realized that I’d chosen to do a home birth sort of by default, without really considering what I wanted for this pregnancy. I wanted to do a home birth to prove to myself that I could, not because it was the right choice for this baby. I also wanted to give birth at home to minimize time away from Aurelia since I’d never spent the night away from her…again, not because it was right for this baby. After making the decision to deliver again at North Fulton, I felt a weight lift.
Because of the change in plans, I found a new midwife who was allowed to deliver at the hospital and my previous midwife remained on my birth team as my doula. During my first appointment with my new midwife (at 37 weeks!), I found out, to my surprise and delight, that North Fulton actually allows water births. Finally, my birth plan felt right.
Over the following weeks, I had several labor false starts. The day before my due date, my husband took matters into his own hands and made eggplant parmesan to try to bring on labor. Within two hours of eating it, at about 8:00 pm, I let my midwife and doula know that I was starting to feel contractions. At first, they were mild and irregular, but by 10:00 pm, they had become more intense, a minute long and about 12 minutes apart. By 10:30, they were about 90 seconds long and six minutes apart, so my husband packed the car with our overnight bags, my yoga ball, snacks for me during labor and gifts for the nursing staff and my birth team. We met my midwife at her office at 12:30 am; she said I was 4 cm dilated and that we were ready to go to the hospital. By the time we drove to the hospital and got settled in our room, about 15 minutes later, I was 6 cm dilated.
The nurse attached a fetal heart monitoring device to my belly. In order to qualify for a water birth, the baby’s heart rate had to remain normal for 30 minutes, which fortunately it did! After that, the nurse removed the monitor and I was free to get off the bed and move around the room. I labored on the yoga ball and then in a standing position leaning over the bed for about an hour. My midwife gave me a cold towel with peppermint essential oils which significantly helped keep my nausea under control, and my doula applied counter pressure on my hips and sacrum during contractions which made the sensations so much more bearable.
At around 2:15 am, my doula suggested a change in position to keep labor moving, so I went to the bathroom to labor on the toilet. I jokingly asked “do I have to?” This was my least favorite position when I was laboring with Aurelia because it really strengthens contractions, so I was prepared for more intensity. Once I sat on the toilet, I threw up from the pain almost immediately, but the change of position worked; I felt almost a thud when the baby dropped even further down.
At this point, I asked my doula “what’s the plan?” because I was ready to get into the birth pool for some relief. She and my midwife both agreed that I was ready, so I got in around 2:45 am. WOW…the birth pool was incredible. The warmth of the water was so therapeutic, and the almost weightless feeling helped with the pressure and discomfort. It definitely didn’t mask the pain (I still threw up again) but it took the edge off and gave me the support I needed for the last phase of labor. I remember talking to the baby and asking him/her to work together with me during the last phase of labor. During contractions, my doula urged me to use sound to push energy downwards, helping move the baby and helping curb my nausea as well.
About an hour later, around 3:45, I moved into a side lying position in the water. My midwife and doula said that this was a good position for pushing, and I realized for the first time that I might actually pull this off! It seemed too good to be true. A few minutes later, my midwife and nurse brought in the receiving table for the baby, a mirror and a light on a stand to shine into the pool; until now, the only light in the room was from twinkle lights hung on the wall around the birth pool and bathroom. I couldn’t believe I was getting so close!
A few minutes later, I started feeling the urge to bear down, and I knew I had made it to the pushing phase of labor. What came next felt so primal. My body completely took over during contractions and started pushing on its own. The sounds I made were guttural and almost animalistic. While I was pushing, my water broke. It felt and sounded like a champagne cork shooting out of a bottle. I had my eyes closed and was so focused that I was surprised by the sensation and looked at my doula. I had no idea what happened!
My doula told me that I could reach down and feel the baby’s head, which was another boost I needed for the last few pushes. After that, the baby’s head started to crown and I felt the infamous ring of fire as my body stretched to fit around the head. Now, just six weeks later, I don’t remember the pain. I just remember being ecstatic and in complete awe that I was about to meet my baby and that I finally got the water birth I wanted.
I had a big contraction, which turned out to be the last during labor, and it felt right to kept pushing after it was over. My midwife said “LOOK, Lindsey!” because my eyes were shut tight and I was about to miss the baby being born! It was 4:22 am. I’ll never forget how she looked coming up from the water with her eyes open. My husband was supposed to announce the gender but I was closer to her and shouted “it’s a GIRL!” When they handed her to me, my first thoughts were 1) this is a big baby, and she feels so strong, and 2) she’s so calm. She was looking around and quiet; we had to work very hard to agitate her enough to make her cry. I absolutely believe that she was so calm because of our birth experience and the environment.
My midwife asked me to reach into the water to grab the umbilical cord to see if it was still pulsing. Once it stopped, she helped my husband cut it, then she helped me out of the water and into the bed while my husband did skin-to-skin time with the baby. Then he handed her to me to nurse. I held her for about an hour, then another nurse came in to measure the baby. She was 8 pounds 10 ounces and 22 inches long and perfectly healthy. While the baby was with the nurse, my nurse helped me go to the bathroom. After having an epidural with Aurelia, I have to say that it was so nice to be able to walk on my own immediately and not have a catheter this time around.
Throughout the entire process of labor and delivery, I felt so focused, in control and present. While the sensations were incredibly intense, I didn’t try to run and hide from the pain like I had with Aurelia. With each contraction, I made the decision to run toward the intensity because I was more afraid of a long labor (my first was 34 hours) than I was of the intensity of one contraction. I credit that mentality with my steady progression and short 8 hour labor.
At one point in the labor pool, I remember joking with my midwife and doula, and then I realized because we’d been talking, I hadn’t had a contraction in a few minutes. I wanted to keep labor moving, so I decided to bring on a contraction, and instantly, one started. In that moment, I understood the mind-body connection in a new way and truly appreciated how critical your mentality is to the labor experience.
That’s why your birth team, your state of mind and your environment are such critical elements to the outcome of your labor experience. If I can offer one piece of unsolicited advice it’s this: don’t settle into auto pilot when it comes to creating your birth plan. Dig deep. Get honest with yourself about what you want. Be picky about who’s by your side when the time comes. And if necessary, be prepared fight like hell for yourself and your baby. You can’t control much about the miraculous, beautiful, transformative event that is the birth of your child, but you can control that.
I read to our daughter pretty regularly from the very beginning, but only recently has she started showing a real interest in books. She’s nine and a half months old now, and about a week ago, she actually started “asking” to be read to. (As an avid reader, my heart melted on the spot!) Not only does she ask to be read to every day, she also lets me know really quickly which books she likes and which she doesn’t.
Here’s the list of her top five favorites:
The Napping House is her absolute favorite at the moment. She asks me to read it multiple times in one sitting.
She showed now interest inLittle Blue Truckuntil a couple of weeks ago, and now she can’t get enough. She is starting to understand animal sounds, and she squeals with delight when I’m reading this book to her.
I have to admit, I’d never heard of The Tooth Book by Dr. Seuss until my mother-in-law purchased it for our daughter since she’s teething. I wasn’t sure if she would understand that the book is about teeth, but she points to the teeth in the pictures and absolutely makes the connection.
Let me start by saying that my daughter doesn’t watch CoComelon, so that’s not a prerequisite for liking this book. She does, however, love the song The Wheels on the Bus, which is why CoComelon The Wheels on the Bus is such a hit. The book is also shaped like a bus, and you guessed it, the wheels actually turn, which is really fun for her.
My aunt, who was in Early Childhood Education, has gotten my daughter several finger puppet books, and they are amazing. The stories are simple but my daughter is enamored with the puppets and squeals and claps when we read the books and they “say hi” to her.
My husband and I recently took a short three-day trip to the beach with our daughter, who is nine months old. We stayed in Seagrove, Florida, which is about five and a half hours from where we live in Atlanta. Considering the longest we’ve been in the car at any given time is two hours, it was
I’d give us a B+ overall on trip planning and execution, with some definite room for improvement. I’ve included our observations and learnings from the trip below:
Find accommodations that offer baby-related amenities. We rented a condo through Airbnb and chose it in part because of the amazing baby equipment the owners provided: a Pack ‘n Play and high chair. When you’re packing for another human, the less you have to bring from home, the better. Other must-haves were a bath tub (a must for our night time routine), a large beach umbrella (important for that delicate baby skin) and large-ish bedroom that had enough space for our daughter to sleep in the room with us. Our one regret with our lodgings was that the bedroom window didn’t have curtains, so the room was really bright during the day…not ideal for naptime.
Plan out your car ride. Since our daughter is so good in the car, we never expected the extent and magnitude of meltdowns that we experienced during our drive. Chalk it up to us being naïve. Only you’ll know what works for your baby, so the only advice I’ll leave you with is: build in stops along the way to get out of the car and reset, load up on toys/entertainment and way more food than you expect to need.
Arrive early. I really regret arriving at our destination so late in the afternoon. We got to the condo about an hour past our daughter’s bedtime, so we rushed through bath time and put her to bed (or tried to) immediately when we arrived in an attempt to keep her on schedule. Big mistake. We woefully underestimated how curious she was about her new surroundings and unsettled she was after spending most of the day in the car. In hindsight, we should’ve arrived with ample time to show her around and get her comfortable in her environment before sticking her in a dark room by herself.
Replicate your normal routine to maintain some degree of familiarity despite your new surroundings. We were very intentional about which toys, blankets and bath time equipment we took with us, specifically those that are bedtime associations for our daughter. At nighttime, she always takes a bath, has her favorite bath time toys, wears the same PJs/sleep sack, has the same white noise, etc. We did our best to replicate her morning and evening routines, with tons of flexibility for fun and exploring during the rest of the day, to anchor her and help her day feel familiar.
Consider your typical schedule and plan your meals accordingly. This is mainly an issue if, like us, you typically have most meals at home. In other words, none of us is accustomed to dining out. We took into account our daughter’s sleep schedule, our condo’s proximity to dining options, whether they were kid friendly and their hours. We also had to factor in a one-hour time difference since we crossed time zones going into Florida. Bottom line, meals can get complicated and you can end up hangry and in a bit of a lurch like we did on the first night. Ultimately, we prepared breakfast at our condo every day since we expected to be up by 5:30 am local time; we at lunch out and we got takeout for dinner each night since our daughter’s bedtime was about 5:00 pm local time. The ability to comfortably eat meals where we were staying was such a life saver.
As you can see, we’re definitely still beginners at this, so please share your tips as well!
This week, my husband has been away on a work trip. This marks the first time he and I have been apart since February 2020, and the only time I’ve been home with our daughter for an extended period of time without him. I’m spoiled in a big way.
I won’t lie; leading up to this week, I was definitely nervous. What if she had a tough growth spurt week? What if my patience faded under the pressure of around-the-clock care? What if I couldn’t juggle our daughter, our dog, managing the house and being pregnant? And aside from all of that, I actually like spending time with him 🙂 Spending that much time apart after so long seemed so abrupt and lonely.
On the first day he was gone, everything was business as usual. I stuck to the baby’s routine and before I knew it, I was starting her bath time. I was so relieved and felt confident that things would continue to go smoothly.
On the second day, something shifted. Our day flew by, and as I was putting her to sleep, I got really emotional. I wasn’t ready to put her to sleep and was struck by the realization that I was enjoying her companionship. Our relationship has shifted from caretaker and baby. We genuinely have fun together. We communicate with and without words. We laugh. And this is just the beginning of a lifetime of creating memories together.
As a new parent, it’s so easy to get hung up on the caretaker role…which is in many ways a thankless job. You can easily lose sight of the big picture and the future under the strain of the day-to-day grind, the monotony and the stress. That’s why I thought of this week with trepidation: I was focused on how I would manage. By reframing it as getting to spend more quality time with my daughter, just the two of us without dad around, it shifted from something stressful to a memory I’ll never forget.
Reframing can be a powerful tool in parenting, moving your perspective from…
….frustration about a baby’s sleep schedule to gratitude for seeing every sunrise.
…feeling unproductive in how much you accomplish every day to appreciating the opportunity to slow down.
…missing your old self and former life to welcoming growth, transformation and the new you.
It’s not always easy to reframe while you’re in the thick of a challenging situation, but if you set the intention, I’m confident that the right perspective will come.
Several months ago, I shared 3 tips for introducing a new baby to your dog. They worked so well for us when our daughter was born, and I’m so thankful that we spoke to a professional dog trainer in advance.
Last week, we went on a road trip to the beach, which was the first time the three of us and our dog Kona were in the car together for an extended amount of time.
It got me thinking that while we prepared Kona for the changes a baby would bring to our home (the smells, noises, new gadgets, etc.), we never prepared him for changes in the car. So I’m adding a fourth tip for introducing your baby to your dog….
#4 – Get your dog comfortable with riding beside a car seat. Kona is a large dog (husky mix), and before our baby was born, he was accustomed to having the entire backseat to himself. In hindsight, I wish we’d installed the car seat earlier so that he could get used to having less space. And since I’ve often ridden in the backseat with our daughter if she’s especially fussy, I also wish we’d let Kona practice riding in the front passenger seat as well. Introducing him to a new seat with much less space during a stressful car ride with a screaming baby (like we did last week) doesn’t set anyone up for success.
So take it from me…play out different scenarios of who will be in your car, where they’ll sit and what you’ll want on hand to keep them happy beforehand, and you’ll be much less likely to compound an already difficult situation.
Yesterday, I had my 15-week prenatal appointment with my midwife. During every appointment, she goes through a checklist of questions related to my physical and emotional wellbeing. This time, when she asked about how I’m doing emotionally, I paused. I told her about the anxiety I’ve felt related to violence in our area, particularly gun violence related to kids. I also talked about how my fears around COVID really flared up around the holidays and into January.
As she let me ramble, I had a major realization: my anxiety and fear actually had very little to do with COVID and the violence we’ve seen on the news. Rationally, I know that we’re safe. We make thoughtful choices, and we’re not taking many (if any) risks to put us in harm’s way. I realized that I have some unaddressed fear as a new mom that’s been compounded by the fact that I’m pregnant again. Out of shame for not living up to my own standards, I wasn’t allowing myself to express that fear, so instead I attached it to two very real, widespread and acceptable fears…COVID and gun violence.
The reasons those fears have persisted and evolved into anxiety is because I hadn’t addressed their root cause. By allowing myself to be honest about the more vulnerable cause – motherhood can be scary – I continue to accept my whole self and show myself some grace. I also have the opportunity to evaluate my own expectations. Do I judge other mothers for their fears as parents? Absolutely not. So why do I judge myself?
All that to say, our fears as parents are valid. But there’s a big difference between recognizing fears, taking proper precautions and letting them go and what I was doing…taking proper precautions and then continuing to worry.
If you find yourself caught in a fear-based cycle of feeling anxious and attempting to control situations, it’s worth checking in. Have you taken precautions? Are you still worrying? What can you let go? Know that your fears are valid, but they don’t have to control you.
One piece of advice that’s worked for me is to find an emotional anchor that you can come back to again and again when you feel yourself slipping into anxious mode. For me, that’s a deep conviction that the house we moved into a couple years ago was divine intervention. The timing, the features and the neighborhood were exactly what we wanted. We are meant to be there as a family and so we are safe.
Digging deep to explore your psyche, separate your true self from learned behaviors and heal old wounds is so incredibly important, especially during the challenging and transformative phase of parenthood. Under the stresses of parenting, you feel conflict (within yourself and with others) more easily and recognize really quickly when things just aren’t working. You’re reminded of your childhood and spend more time contemplating how your wounds and beliefs directly impact another person. Conflict with immediate family members might arise. Anxiety and fear often become more extreme, but so does love. It’s a time of coming to terms with a stark duality: you are both the best and worst versions of yourself.
While parenting can serve as a catalyst for deeper transformation and healing, these lessons and this work aren’t just for parents. In fact, waiting until you become a parent to begin your personal growth journey isn’t ideal; you’d likely set yourself up for a lot of added stress as well as strain on relationships with those closest to you.
That said, if you’re already a parent or about to become one and you haven’t started your journey, it’s absolutely never too late. Take it slow and give yourself permission to feel whatever arises without judgement. The results are so incredibly rewarding and will dramatically change your life.
If you’re looking for a place to begin, I highly recommend The Seeker’s Manual by Arda. You can find other resources for seekers and parents under my resources tab.
