In my experience, there’s so much silence around pregnancy loss and miscarriages that most people don’t know how to support women who go through them. After my miscarriage, responses ranged from blaming me for not taking care of myself to “at least you could get pregnant so quickly!” Other people immediately changed the subject without commenting at all. At the time it hurt, but I understand; miscarriages are hard to talk about, but that doesn’t mean they should be ignored.
A beautiful way to honor a pregnancy loss is by gifting a small memento to acknowledge the baby and the mother’s grief. It can be accompanied by a simple note that says “thinking of you,” or “I’m here if you want to talk.” This serves two purposes: it helps the recipient feel supported by you and can help in the healing process. I found that having an object to look at and hold helped the baby I lost feel less intangible and helped me process my grief.
I’ve put together a short list of gift suggestions below. One thing you won’t see on the list is flowers. I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers after my miscarriage, and while the gesture was sweet, watching the flowers die and then eventually throwing them away felt symbolic and incredibly sad to me. Obviously not everyone will made that association, but it’s something to consider.
A dear friend sent me a precious figurine by Lotty Lollipop on Etsy. The shop includes quite a few options, each with very meaningful and carefully chosen designs and a card offering a sweet sentiment. I treasure this keepsake and have had it on my nightstand since I received it.
These angel earrings are small enough to wear every day and a wonderful way to symbolically keep the baby close to you always.
For babies who were already named when they passed, I think a Christmas ornament is a thoughtful tribute, especially for families with older children. An ornament gives the whole family an opportunity to remember the baby together and make it part of their holiday tradition.